The Foundations for Developing Empathy

The Oxford dictionary defines empathy as “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another”. 

If you lack the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and take their perspective into account in your relationship with the other person you will probably have a tendency to stereotype others and act without considering how other people might feel about something. As a result, you will be seen as indifferent or uncaring and often come into conflict. 

People who lack empathy usually show no understanding (or misunderstand) or are surprised by other people’s feelings and actions. On the contrary, empathetic people show sensitivity to and understand others perspectives and feelings. They listen and sense the felt but unspoken emotions of others, they are attentive and able to attune to a wide range of emotional signals and are able to help individuals or teams based on accurate understanding of needs and feelings. Not only they can put themselves in someone else’s shoes but can walk more than a mile in the other person’s moccasins. 

As explained by Martin Hoffmann, distinguished Professor of psychology at New York University, it is possible to increase empathy through conscious parenting, or kill it through a rigid repressive system, and therefore parental education plays a fundamental role in terms of the development of empathy. Unfortunately, however, the flaws in this sense are evident in the culture we live in. Therefore, it is essential to acquire the necessary strategies to develop this valuable skill.

For instance, listening is key to empathy. So, when the next person approaches you to express their feelings, listen carefully. Listen with intention. Listen deeply, for more than words. Listen for the other person needs (to be respected, acknowledged, included). Hear for emotions. Identify underlying concerns and go beyond the surface of what you think you have heard. Be willing to really understand the other person. Step back and consider what she/he may be feeling and experiencing at that moment in time. Paraphrase. Clarify the emotions you think you are hearing (e.g sounds like you are feeling frustrated, angry…). 

To enhance relationship is important to express (verbally, tone, etc.) that you understand, acknowledge share the experience  When people feel listened to and understand at a deep emotional level and when that understanding is acknowledged and communicated, people feel validated.

In any case, as you already know, the very first step to develop empathy is to strengthen your emotional Self-awareness.

“If your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” —Daniel Goleman

Social and emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of our own emotions and those of others, in the moment, and to use that information to manage ourselves and manage our relationships. —The Institute for Social and Emotional Intelligence