How to Become a Realistic Optimist
Aug 24, 2023
Are you a realistic optimist or a pessimist?
What do you tell yourself in the face of setbacks?
Do you expect the worst and see setbacks as pervasive, that will always persist, indicative of all aspects of your life?
Do you feel helpless, hopeless and believe that bad events will last for a long time?
Usually, pessimists nourish a negative self talk and do not expect positive outcomes (and they attribute success to luck and not their capabilities).
On the contrary, realistic optimists expect success rather than failure. They have a different explanatory style and see opportunities rather than threats, seeing others positively and expecting the future to bring positive change, and that things will get better.
You can say you are a realistic optimist if:
- You have a positive self-talk
- You operate from a mindset of success rather than failure and apply this belief to all you do
- You see obstacles and bad events as external and temporary, surmountable challenges that you will overcome
- You remain unfazed by defeat and in the face of challenges and setbacks you stay hard, you persist, you have rock solid faith
According to the father of positive psychology, professor Martin E.P. Seligman, anyone can learn optimism. Here below please find some development tips you can apply immediately to your daily life:
Examine your beliefs about adversity and how you interpret it. Then, take note of all your feelings about these beliefs. Do you feel sad, guilty?
It is very important not to allow the negative belief to become habitual or circle endlessly through your mind. However, it is possible that there may already be some beliefs that operate in this way and if this is the case you need to look for evidence or alternative explanations, disputing the negative and tuning into a more positive self-talk.
The main tool for changing the interpretation of adversity is disputing the negative belief and preventing the adversity to become a catastrophe.
The pattern is: A (adversity), B (belief), C (consequence: feeling). If you believe (B) that the adversity (A) is permanent, pervasive, personal you will feel in a certain way. If you believe (B) that the adversity (A) is temporary and external you will feel in a very different way.
In the face of setbacks, to dispute your negative beliefs, ask yourself: is there any evidence supporting my beliefs? Are there any alternative explanations?
Professor Seligman says that “pessimistic prophecies are self-fulfilling” and “while we cannot control our experience, we can control our explanations.” This is the key. If we change the belief that follows adversity, our reaction to the adversity changes.
And remember, this is not about false positivity. Learned optimism is about confronting one's own beliefs and questioning them on the basis of the reality of the facts.
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