How to improve behavioral Self-control and Emotional Leadership

“Self control makes the man. A man without discipline is a boy full of reactions, rather than a man of good actions.” —Greek proverb

Think about your daily routine. 

• Are you able to keep disruptive emotions and impulses in check?
• How well do you manage impulsive feelings and distressing emotions?
• In trying moments, can you stay composed, calm, positive and restrain from negative reactions or do you react impulsively and lose it?
• Can you resist temptations or do you get involved in inappropriate situation because you cannot?
• Can you think clearly, stay focused and maintain you stamina and performance when you’re under pressure or do you become angry, depressed, agitated when faced with conflict, stress, emotionally charged situations?
• Do you respond to problems in a constructive or non-constructive way?
• Are you able to stay cool and choose not to escalate a problem when attacked, provoked, confronted with hostility or aggressiveness by others? 

To develop your behavioral self-control, be mindful of your hot buttons. As an exercise, make a list of your all the things that cause you to lose it. Self-awareness is the very first step. Then, write out a strategy to deal with all of these issues the next time they arise. This will help you to become more self-aware and to choose a more constructive response (in the moment) when the issues will come up again.

In general, monitor your self-talk and your behavior actively. Visualize yourself staying calm, composed, focused under pressure. Read about stoicism. 

Count to 10. Neuroscience tells us that it takes few seconds (from two to seven) for the information to travel from the emotional processing part of our brains (limbic system, amygdala) to the logical part (prefrontal cortex). Between stimulus and response there is a gap. The ability to pause before reacting gives us a space of mind in which we can consider our options and choose the most appropriate response rather than reacting impulsively to emotionally charged situations. While counting, ask yourself some strategic questions to stimulate the prefrontal cortes. For instance, what am I feeling? What am I thinking? How will I sabotage the desired outcome if I react on impulse? What do I need to say or do in order to reach my desired outcome? 

It is a good idea to ask for feedback and look for a Social and Emotional Intelligence certified Coach.

Discover your strengths and development opportunities to improve your social and emotional intelligence! Start here!

“Social and Emotional Intelligence (SEI) is the ability to be aware of your own emotions, and those of others, in the moment, and to use that information to manage ourselves and our relationships.” ―The Institute for Social and Emotional Intelligence